Hi again! So……what did you think of my first attempt at a blog post??? I guess the fact that you are reading this says it must have peaked some sort of interest for you!! I hope you find more!
With tomorrow being Mother’s Day, I have been thinking a lot about being a mom and just being a WOMAN. Let me tell you, when I said before that my view of the world has changed since I first thought about doing some sort of blog, this would probably be the biggest change of heart and mind I have had.
Throughout my years of different experiences (which I still promise to talk about in later posts), good and bad, I truly became what I affectionately call a “man hater”!
Before, I would call myself a “strong independent woman” that didn’t “need” anyone, especially a man, to take care of me. I could do it all by myself! I struggled with giving my all in any relationship and kept some sort of distance in order to “protect” myself. The worst part was that I was actually hurting other people….especially the two that God entrusted me with to nurture and guide and love in this life. I raised my daughters to also be “strong, independent women” which is an admirable thing right?! I’m not so sure now. We certainly were strong, in some sense of the word, but the part I forgot to teach them was how to love and be loved.
Being “strong and independent” afforded them many successes in life for sure. They can both hold their own in pretty much any situation. But what about LOVE? What was that exactly? I’m positive that I lacked the ability to show my daughters what LOVE should look like. I’m not sure I really knew.
I suppose this is where I start to talk about my childhood, the chaos and everything that “I went through in my life”. Well, I’m not going to do that! All I’m going to say is that you can’t give away or teach someone something that you didn’t have and knew nothing about. All I knew was that I had an unconditional commitment to their hearts….and even though I’m sure it didn’t look that way a lot of the time, the decisions I tried to make were supposed to make our lives better and happy even though it didn’t always turn out that way. If I would have only known that I didn’t have to do it alone……
By the grace of God, which makes total sense to me now, my daughters have grown up to be wonderful women and we are learning together how to love and be loved. I have learned that God loves me and I don’t have to protect my heart so much that it scares people away. I was a hard study and it took a lot of smacks in the head to get it, but once I realized that, God gave me a love from a man (who is now my husband) that I never knew could exist. I love him unconditionally and respect the role he plays in my life. He is my heart, my protector, my best friend and even though it was VERY hard to give up my “independence”, I have learned to let him love me and take care of me the way HE wants to without always telling him, “thanks, but I can do that myself!”
I hope that my daughters can watch me now and see what “LOVE” is supposed to look like. Not just in the fairy tale sense, but in the day to day sharing of life!! I hope that my husband can feel the love and respect I have for him everyday in everything I do!
There is a story that comes to mind but I will save that until next time!
Have a wonderful, blessed Mother’s Day and don’t forget…..
Be the drop that creates the ripple……