Taking my life back….

http://biane.org

Above is the link to my story about my brain injury that I was asked to submit after attending the Brain Injury Alliance conference this year.

Go ahead, click the link and have a read!  It is at the bottom of the page.

This is a part of my life that really made a huge impact on me but one that I tried very hard to avoid and ignore.  I think that I must have done a pretty good job hiding it because now that it has resurfaced in my life, I think it is hard for people to believe it.  It happened so long ago that bringing it up now just seems like I’m trying to get attention or something.  That’s not my purpose at all!

I have realized that I was so determined to jump back into my life like nothing ever happened that I didn’t allow my self to grieve what I had lost.  I was 15 years old.  I didn’t want to be different (even though having a shaved head and a huge horseshoe shaped scar for everyone to see certainly set me apart) and I guess I didn’t even realize that I had something to grieve at the time.  BUT I DID!

Now that I am older…..I am realizing that I need to talk about it, process it and share it in hopes that some healing can happen for me and maybe others too!

After you read it, if you have any questions, don’t hesitate to ask!  It is fairly condensed since we had a word limit but SO much more happened during that time.  I have great stories, I met wonderful people and I learned just how determined I can be!!!

OK wait a minute…..that’s right!  I CAN be determined!  I have sort of forgotten that lately.  I’m going to start working on that!  I have always been told that God must not have been done with me yet to get me through that sort of trauma.  That has always given me some hope that my life was worth something more, even if I didn’t understand it.  It also gives a whole new meaning to “strong, independent woman” (if you read my last post you will get it)!  Good news for my family!!

At the end of the day, Life is good, God is great and I’m thankful to be right here, right now, living it!!

Thanks for visiting and Don’t forget….

Be the drop that creates the ripple!!

 

Sheila

MOM, MOMMY, MOM, MOM……

Hi again!  So……what did you think of my first attempt at a blog post???   I guess the fact that you are reading this says it must have peaked some sort of interest for you!!  I hope you find more!

With tomorrow being Mother’s Day, I have been thinking a lot about being a mom and just being a WOMAN.  Let me tell you, when I said before that my view of the world has changed since I first thought about doing some sort of blog, this would probably be the biggest change of heart and mind I have had.

Throughout my years of different experiences (which I still promise to talk about in later posts), good and bad, I truly became what I affectionately call a “man hater”!

Before, I would call myself a “strong independent woman” that didn’t “need” anyone, especially a man, to take care of me.  I could do it all by myself!  I struggled with giving my all in any relationship and kept some sort of distance in order to “protect” myself.  The worst part was that I was actually hurting other people….especially the two that God entrusted me with to nurture and guide and love in this life.  I raised my daughters to also be “strong, independent women” which is an admirable thing right?!  I’m not so sure now.  We certainly were strong, in some sense of the word, but the part I forgot to teach them was how to love and be loved.

Being “strong and independent” afforded them many successes in life for sure.  They can both hold their own in pretty much any situation.   But what about LOVE?  What was that exactly?  I’m positive that I lacked the ability to show my daughters what LOVE should look like.   I’m not sure I really knew.

I suppose this is where I start to talk about my childhood, the chaos and everything that “I went through in my life”.  Well, I’m not going to do that!  All I’m going to say is that you can’t give away or teach someone something that you didn’t have and knew nothing about.  All I knew was that I had an unconditional commitment to their hearts….and even though I’m sure it didn’t look that way a lot of the time, the decisions I tried to make were supposed to make our lives better and happy even though it didn’t always turn out that way.  If I would have only known that I didn’t have to do it alone……

By the grace of God, which makes total sense to me now, my daughters have grown up to be wonderful women and we are learning together how to love and be loved.  I have learned that God loves me and I don’t have to protect my heart so much that it scares people away.  I was a hard study and it took a lot of smacks in the head to get it, but once I realized that, God gave me a love from a man (who is now my husband) that I never knew could exist.  I love him unconditionally and respect the role he plays in my life.  He is my heart, my protector, my best friend and even though it was VERY hard to give up my “independence”, I have learned to let him love me and take care of me the way HE wants to without always telling him, “thanks, but I can do that myself!”

I  hope that my daughters can watch me now and see what “LOVE” is supposed to look like.  Not just in the fairy tale sense, but in the day to day sharing of life!!  I hope that my husband can feel the love and respect I have for him everyday in everything I do!

There is a story that comes to mind but I will save that until next time!

Have a wonderful, blessed Mother’s Day and don’t forget…..

Be the drop that creates the ripple……

Sheila

 

Hi, my name is……and all that stuff!

Hi!  My name is Sheila and I’m a……  ya know, I don’t really know how to finish that statement.  There could be several answers…

…..and I’m a brain injury survivor

…..and I’m a mother of amazing girls

…..and I’m a wife of a truly loving husband

…..and I’m a daughter of an alcoholic

…..and I’m a CHILD OF GOD

Hmmm….years ago when I first thought about sharing my thoughts about my world with others, I’m sure I would have had a different list.  It’s funny how life works like that, isn’t it?!  Maybe that’s why I’m just starting this venture now!  I believe in God’s timing for things…….I didn’t back then.

Let me begin with what I was doing when it hit me that I needed to start a  blog.

I started a new daily devotional and on the first day it started with the line “I have a scar.”

Wow, for some reason that really touched me!  I thought to myself, “I have more than one scar, I have A LOT of scars!”  A lot of visible scars (that I will explain more about later) but also a lot of internal scars that no one can see.  They reside in my mind and in my heart and in my soul.   We ALL have scars.  Maybe I should call them “beauty marks”.   They are evidence of the wounds we have accumulated throughout our lives and help define who we are today.  Some of them are ugly, but some bring out the beauty of our existence.  Some are not that significant but some are a daily reminder of where we have been and have most likely changed our lives forever……..

So….back to my first statement….

Hi! My name is Sheila and I’m a……

That is the purpose of my blog.  To pick apart my life.  Figure out who I am, so to speak, and share the things I’ve learned in my short 50 years (yes, I’m 50) and explore my scars. No, this is NOT a place for political agendas even though there might be times that those topics are relevant to my story.  Who knows!  I am also NOT a writer!  You are getting me and my thoughts so I hope you can overlook the deficiency in grammar at times!

Hopefully there will be someone that has had similar experiences and scars.  I want to bring hope to whoever happens to stumble across my story.

Again, I believe in God’s timing and  NOW is the time!!

Be the drop that creates the ripple…..

Sheila